List those jokes...

[damedic]

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.*chill*

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. *thumbsup*

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests., "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter., "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asketh the Lord.

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."

Heres another one:

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together.

"Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back...."

Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. What d'ya say?"

Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.

However, two days later, St. Peter got a call.

"Pete?, Lu. here, Hey, you gotta come get these three clowns.
This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, *pope*
and the Graham guy is saving everybody,
and that Oral Roberts character has raised enough money to buy air conditioning."

medic *what*

[SadaSoCool]

Haha...not bad

[QuestionS For Elders]

My Sister Said "The First One Was So Cheesy That You Could Make A Sandwich From It!!!"

[RedOctober]

A man dies and goes to heaven and awaits at the pearly gates. He meets Saint Peter and tells him he was a Priest who saved many souls. Saint Peter then says, "Ok, well have tocheck our records, just have a seat there".

Just then, another person show's up and Saint Peter says "What did you do on earth?" The man replies "I was a Doctor and saved the lives of many people. Once again Saint Peter says, "Ok, well have to check our records, just have a seat with the Priest over there".

Another person show's up and Saint Peter asks what his proffesion was on earth. The man replies that he was a Truck Driver. Saint Peter then shouts "Open the Gates, let this man through!"

Shocked, the Priest stands up and exclaims "Wait a minute, this man sitting next to me was a Doctor who saved many lives, I was a Priest who save many souls! What gives here?!"

Saint Peter replies, "oh, I'm sure you both did, but this man was a Truck Driver and has scared the Hell out of many more people than both of you put together!"

bu-da bump

[Sunshine]

Why is there a gate around cemetaries?



People are just dying to get in.......:shock:

[wall]

Thought this one was in the old form, I checked and didn't see it, so must of got it in a e-mail.

An old indian chief passed away, the tribe promoted the young chief to lead the tribe, winter was coming and the people went to the new chief to find out how cold it was going to be.To busy in todays world of technology the young chief never learned the old ways, he panicked and said yes its going to be a cold winter collect alot of wood, so the people did. Later that day he came up with a great idea and called the National Weather hotline,

Chief: Is this winter projected to be cold?

Operator: Yes very cold.

So the chief told the people to collect more wood, so the people did.

The next day he called the hotline again.

Chief: Are you sure its going to be a cold winter?

Operator: Yes colder then we thought.

So the chief told the people to collect even more wood, so the people did.

The next day he called again.

Chief: Are you positive its going to be a cold winter?

Operator: Oh yes, It should be record lows.

Chief: How do you know this?

Operator: Because all the indians in the area are collecting wood like crazy.*what*

[Intolerance]

A Cessna airplane was transporting a diplomat from Zurich to Moscow for an important peace talk. Due to an unknown problem, it crashed down in Poland coming to a stop in a cemetary. A reporter askedthe police investigator in charge how many people died in the crash. The investigator replied, "We have found 113 bodies so far, but we're still digging up more."


[line]


The Russian Molokan Christian Spiritual Cemetery in the City of Commerce has a slogan:

You can trust us. We'll be the last ones to let you down.

.

[damedic]

A man was still admiring his wonderful counterfeit job, when his friend walks in on him. "What you got there?" Its an 18 dollar Bill. What, you will never get away with cashing that anywhere. What do you mean, look how great it looks! The ink is perfect, the texture is just as good as any other paper currency, you can't tell it is a counterfit! Yeah, that may be so, but it is an 18 dollar Bill! Why did you make an 18 dollar bill, you goof? Well, I thought since there were 1's, 5's, 10's, 20's, 50's & 100's, that it was about time an 18 dollar bill was made. Okay, but you will never, ever get anybody to accept that phony bill. Watch me!

So the two of them go into to town & into a local grocery store. The first guy says, "Excuse me, but could you break this bill for me into smaller bills?" The clerk takes the bill, looks at it & then he picks it up and looks at it in the light then immediately puts a squiggly line on it with his counterfit identifying marker. The clerk says: "well it looks authentic enough, does not appear to be counterfit, have to be careful these days, lots of phony bills being passed around." The guy smiles at his friend as the clerk continues:

"Would you like 2- 9's or 3 - 6's???"

BA - DA - BUMP